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Creative Real Estate Listing Descriptions (and what they Really Mean!) - September 2020

By Guest Blogger, Terry Ryder, founder,

hotspotting.com.au and propertyU

One of the greatest frustrations for real estate consumers is trying to access accurate information about properties for sale.

Those who say the camera doesn’t lie, obviously haven’t shopped for real estate recently and seen the contrast between the immaculate online images and the reality of the physical property.

And then there’s language the marketing agents use to embellish the qualities of individual properties. The discontent between the agent’s description and the actuality can sometimes be startling.

So, to help you interpret and translate agent-speak, here is a guide 'The Top 30 Property Euphemisms and What They Actually Mean'. 

  1. Cosy: You can’t social distance. Only small single people need apply.
  2. Renovators delight: Uninhabitable. Suitable for farm animals only. Basically, a development site.
  3. Motivated seller: The agent wants a fast sale and the vendor is gullible. Offer 20% below the asking price.
  4. Must Be Sold: The agent wants a fast sale and the vendor is desperate. Offer 25% below the asking price.
  5. Buyers Guide: Add 50%.
  6. Contact agent: No idea what it’s worth.
  7. Family friendly: No one has been murdered recently.
  8. Gentrifying neighbourhood: Don’t go out at night without a weapon.
  9. Up and coming area: Don’t go out at night even if you do have a weapon.
  10. Walking distance: Only marathon runners need apply.
  11. Quaint: Ugly.
  12. Loads of character: Really ugly.
  13. One of a kind: Impossibly ugly.
  14. Historic: Tired.
  15. Original condition: Exhausted.
  16. Period character: It’s a knock-down.
  17. Dual access: There’s more than one door in the dwelling.
  18. Eat-in kitchen: There’s no dining room.
  19. Generous separation of bedrooms: There’s a corridor. The bedrooms have walls.
  20. Intimate garden courtyard: There’s room for a pot plant.
  21. Teenage retreat: Dungeon
  22. Tightly held: No one wants to buy here.
  23. Great location: The agent lacks imagination.
  24. Outstanding convenience: Bus stop two blocks away.
  25. Exudes charm: Can’t think of anything else to say.
  26. Offers privacy: Remote. 50km from the nearest town.
  27. Bush retreat: More remote. 100km from the nearest town.
  28. Architect designed: Doesn’t really fit in the streetscape.
  29. Water views: Drainage issues.
  30. Location among local parklands: Grassy verge alongside the footpath.


To cut through the “real estate speak”, I recommend you engage the services of a reliable and trustworthy buyers’ agent to help you pinpoint the ideal property and negotiate a more favourable price. A professional buyers’ agent will give you the facts without all the fluff and bubble.

  To have one of our friendly Buyers' Agents  to contact you:

Send us your property brief   or

call us on 1300 655 615 today.

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